


Deep Relief

by FuckYeahLuPone



Series: Anything Goes [5]
Category: Hollywood (TV 2020)
Genre: Angst and Drama, Angst and Tragedy, Beta Read, Depression, Drama, Dramatic, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Golden Age, Golden Age Hollywood, Heartache, Heartbreak, Heartbreaking, Hurt, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, tragic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:08:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25247401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FuckYeahLuPone/pseuds/FuckYeahLuPone
Summary: How will Avis react when she founds out Jack selpt with Claire?
Relationships: Avis Amberg/Jack Castello
Series: Anything Goes [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1797604
Comments: 6
Kudos: 7





	Deep Relief

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jeritoodles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeritoodles/gifts).



> So dolls, the next part of my "Anything Goes" oneshot collection is here! Before you read this, I have to warn you though! It's a lot more dramatic and tragic than yesterday!!! And if descriptions of suicide triggers you, please do not read it. Also you should read the other four fics of "Anything Goes", if you haven't done that yet before reading this one, to understnad the context!!!   
> I'm posting this today especially for jericahkaye, because she needed this one as soon as possible!!!!! I actually wasn't gonna publish it for another few days, but here you go kid!<3

Avis was sitting in her husband's office at the studio. She had been there for 20 hours straight and hadn’t made it home last night because she fell asleep at the desk. It felt good having all that power and autonomy, but it was also incredibly exhausting. Reading scripts, watching screen test after screen test (most of which were awful), and the fight to get  _ Meg  _ released. But the worst part was that she hasn’t had the time to employ one of the station boys. Just a quickie would do, but she didn’t even have time for that. Though she desperately needed a cock inside her, it’s been weeks. The last time was at George Cukor's party, in the bathroom with Jack.

  
  


_ Oh, Jack…  _

  
  


She missed him. Ever since she told him he should fuck Claire, Avis tried to avoid him. Of course she occasionally saw him around the studio, after all he was in  _ Meg,  _ but even at work she tried to avoid him, especially his glances; they always hypnotised her, since the first time she saw him. 

  
  


_ I think I immediately fell in love with him. Who wouldn’t? Who could resist his blue eyes? Oh, and his lips; his sweet and soft lips? He could do wonders with those lips. He knew how to use them. And his strong hands gently caressing my body, gliding from my neck over the swell of my breasts, along my stomach and down to my wet heat, oouuuhh... _

  
  


“Mrs. Amberg? Mrs. Amberg!” Ace’s secretary shouted, standing in the doorway and interrupting Avis’ thoughts. She opened her eyes, hearing her voice clearer.

“Mrs. Amberg, are you alright?”

“What? Yes, yes, of course. I’m fine. Why?” Avis asked.

“You were slightly groaning and I thought you might have hurt yourself.” 

  
  


_ Oh, fuck. Just the thought of sex made her so turned on she actually made sounds; just by fucking daydreaming. This has to stop. She'll call Ernie tonight to send one of the boys home to her. _

  
  


“Well, I’m fine, but I’m going to head home now. That’s enough for today, I guess.” Avis announced to the younger woman in the doorway, standing up and gathering her things. 

“But there’s still another script-” 

“Put it on my desk. I’ll read it tomorrow. Have a nice evening.” Avis interrupted as she passed the other woman.

“You too, Mrs. Amberg.” she replied.

“Thanks, I will.” Avis sang.

If she would’ve known what was awaiting her at home, she’d have stayed in the office all night.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jack didn’t know what he was doing here. He was in bed, but not his, and not alone. He was in Claire’s bed, laying right next to her, and he didn’t know why. No, that’s not true. He knew why he was here. Last night he got drunk. His twins weren’t his and the woman he actually cared for told him to sleep with her daughter and ignored him. What else could a grown man do besides drink to forget his worries. He certainly did, but at some point Claire suddenly came along, seducing him. It didn’t take much for him to follow her home.

He didn’t love Claire. She was a good friend and colleague, but that was it. He wasn’t sexually attracted to her; she just wasn’t his type. He’d always preferred darker and more mature types, brown, black or red hair with beautiful brown eyes, and either a woman his age who thought and acted maturely or a girl older than him with experience. Avis fit perfectly, but not Claire. She was that tall, blonde, blue eyed, inexperienced, naive girl. Despite all those things, he slept with her. But he was drunk, so you can’t really blame him, can you? 

He was glad Avis hadn't been home last night. Yes, she’d suggested he should sleep with her daughter, but for some reason Jack thought it might hurt her. It was hurting him. He deeply regretted it. He still had no clue what exactly that feeling was when he saw Avis, what he felt when she talked to him, when she touched him, kissed him or when they were having a rough fuck on the staircase, a quickie in the bathroom or passionate sex; he would almost call it  _ lovemaking  _ in bed. Was it love? He couldn’t figure it out. All he knew was that he had a terrible hangover and that some more sleep would do him good. He closed his eyes, still next to sleeping Claire, or so he thought.

Shortly after he closed his eyes, Claire straddled him and began to kiss him, which Jack tried to prevent. Neither of them heard a car pulling into the driveway, or the unlocking of the front door as Avis walked in.

Avis was in a good mood. Tonight she was definitely getting laid by one of the station boys. She excitedly threw her purse and keys on the little couch in the hallway before she headed straight to the phone, calling Ernie.

“Ernie, darling!” she squeaked when she heard his voice. “Listen, I desperately need a boy tonight. I’d like to go out for dinner and have some  _ pleasurable fun  _ afterwards.” she said, winking with her right eye though she knew Ernie couldn’t see it, she was sure he was able to hear it.

“So, I’ll get you personally tonight? Oh, baby. What a treat.” she waved her eyebrows. “Lovely! 3 hours, my place.” Avis almost ordered before she hung up, took her shoes off to go upstairs with her high heels in her left hand, to make herself up, heading to her room.

  
  


_ Oh, maybe I should tell Claire I won’t be home tonight, and probably won't be back until tomorrow.  _

  
  


She changed her direction to go to Claire’s room. Just before she could knock, she heard her daughter giggling and a male voice saying ‘no’. She could’ve sworn she knew that voice… Avis slowly opened the door to her daughter’s bedroom.

“Come on, Jack. You had no problem fucking me last night.” Claire chuckled.

As Avis heard her daughter say that man’s name and saw the man the name belonged to under Claire’s body, in her bed, naked, she felt faint. Her high heels slipped out of her hand, making a loud thump sound which made the two younger people look at the door. 

Avis was standing in the doorway, clutching onto the door handle with her right hand and the door frame with her left to stabilize her legs and body which suddenly grew incredibly weak. Her legs were shaking, in fact, her entire body was. Her breasts were heaving with her heavy breathing. She felt like she would suffocate; her chest felt tight, it was difficult for her to breathe. She could’ve sworn someone stabbed her right in the heart with a knife. It hurt so much.

“Avis! It’s not what it looks like.” Jack shouted, getting Claire off of him. He jumped out of bed to support Avis, but she immediately stretched out her arm, signaling him with her hand to stop where he was.

“D-d-don’t come near me!” Avis said, stuttering but forcefully.

“I’m sorry, Avis. I was dru-” 

“My God! I tell you to fuck my daughter and you take the first opportunity to do so and hurt me?” she accused him as tears welled up in her eyes.

“I never meant to do that. I would never want to hurt you, Avis! Please, you have to believe me.” Jack pleaded, still standing at the spot she had stopped him while he covered his member with his hands.

Claire obviously didn’t know what was going on. She just sat on her bed with a shocked expression on her face.

Avis clutched her stomach with one hand and covered her mouth with the other,

“I think I’m gonna be sick.” she mumbled into her hand as she took off running to the bathroom in her bedroom, letting herself fall in front of the toilet. 

In Claire’s room, Jack hurriedly put on his underpants.

“What was that all about?” Claire asked, confused.

“I slept with your mother a couple of times when I was working at the gas station and I think she sees me as more than just her boy toy!” he explained as quickly as his tongue could move.

“Wh-WHAT?? And you slept with me?” Claire shouted.

“Well, I wasn’t really able to think last night, if you remember.” Jack defended himself.

“And what was that about her telling you to sleep with me?” Claire asked him with hurt and a little disgust in her voice.

“Claire, can we talk about this later? I have to see how Avis is doing!”

“I want to know now, Jack!” she urged.

“Your mother isn’t as confident as she seems to be!” Jack hinted as he ran out of Claire’s room to find Avis.

Avis stared at her reflection in the mirror, looking into her red eyes as she noticed her many nail files behind her. She turned around, going to them.

  
  


_ How could he? How could he do this to me!? I never thought he would hurt me like this. I never thought he would actually take my suggestion seriously. I really thought he felt something, anything for me. He always made me feel like he cared for me. But it seems like he’s a better actor than I thought. _

  
  


She grabbed one of her sharp metal files between her slender fingers and stared at it.

She considered the question very closely. She wanted the pain in her heart to go away so badly. She wanted to punish herself for being so stupid as to think he could feel anything for her; he just wanted the money. 

She wanted to go to sleep. The physical craving for sleep was her only sustained sensation right now. Her mind shrank from the glare of thought as instinctively as eyes contract in a blaze of light. Darkness; darkness was what she must have at any cost. 

She needed to feel numb. She didn’t want to feel anything anymore. 

She looked at the shelf above her, seeing her sleeping pills. She reached up to take them down before eyeing them closely. Time after time she had those nights when she couldn’t sleep, so her doctor gave her these. Just one pill did the job perfectly. She wondered what would happen if she swallowed them all. She hadn’t taken them in a long time, but the glass was still almost entirely full.

She went to the sink and turned on the faucet to fill herself up a glass of water. She unscrewed the lid from the glass container in her hand, guided it to her mouth and swallowed the contents of the glass with her water. She put everything on the sink, and slowly slid down the wall, taking the nail file with her as she sat on the floor. 

She didn’t want to take the pain with her, wherever she was going. She needed to get it out. She took the file into her right hand, positioning it on her wrist at the spot her artery was. She took a deep breath while drawing a deep cut with the file into her skin. Warm sticky fluid began flowing down her arm as she changed hands with the file before doing the exact same thing with her right wrist. 

She felt the warmth dripping from both her hands into her lap where they were laying. Her mind was empty. She sat very still, starting to feel dizzy from the blood loss. Waiting with a sensuous pleasure for the first effects of the soporific. She knew in advance what form they would take; the gradual cessation of the inner throb, the soft approach of passiveness as though an invisible hand made magic pass over her. The very slowness and hesitancy of the effect increased its fascination. It was delicious to lean over and look down into the dim abyss of unconsciousness. 

She couldn’t remember the drug taking this long. Tonight, it seemed to work slower than usual. Each passionate pulse had to be stilled in turn, and it wasn't long before she felt them dropping into abeyance, like sentinels falling asleep at their posts. But gradually, the sense of complete subjugation came over her and she wondered languidly what had made her feel so uneasy and excited.

She saw now that there was nothing to be excited about. She had returned to her normal view of life. Tomorrow would not be so difficult after all. She was sure that she would have the strength to face it all. She didn't quite remember what it was that she had been afraid of to face, but the uncertainty no longer troubled her. She had been unhappy, and now she was happy. She had felt alone, and now the sense of loneliness had vanished. Her eyes slowly closed and her upper body fell to the floor.

She didn’t hear the banging on the door or the shouting anymore.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> As always, tell me what you think!  
> And huge thank you to my beta reader<3


End file.
